Who doesn’t love having a few moments of quiet when you pop a pacifier into the mouth of your little? Especially when they’ve been crying non-stop, its the middle of the night, or even if they just need something to gnaw on. It is convenient and easy to reach for. I promise you, whoever invented this thing was a genius.
But let me tell you, this mama will be ex-naying the pacifier from here on out. I had an encounter last night that nearly scared me half to death and made me want to throw it across the room.
Before I give you this honest mommy moment, let me give you some history…
We’ll call this, “DeeJay and the pacifier.” Also known as a binky, bubba, bubby, nub, dummy, Paci and a slew of other names unique to each individual household. I’ve realized people are creative when naming this accessory, but we call it a Binky in our home.
When I first became pregnant with Bug, I was adamant about not wanting him to have a binky. I watched my sister hold onto hers until she was 4 and was certain that wouldn’t be my son. However, life has a way of just ‘happening’ and Bug had a short NICU stay where they gave him a binky without my permission. So, despite my ‘life plan’ for him, he was a binky sucking baby.
Luckily, when he was around 10-11 months, I would notice him chewing on the binky instead of sucking on it and I knew his time was up. I stopped giving it to him and that transition was fairly easy. Somewhat of an out of sight out of mind concept.
During my pregnancy with Bee, I just knew that I did not want her to have a binky either. I wanted her to learn to self-soothe in other ways. I didn’t want her dependent on a binky. That was until she arrived and I realized very quickly that she was a crier. Not just a regular crybaby but she was only subdued by my boob. Can you imagine that? So for the first few weeks of her life, she was practically on my boob 24/7. If she wasn’t feeding, she was using it as a soother. I was miserable. MISERABLE! I wasn’t sleeping and I couldn’t do anything.
You better believe after experiencing such fatigue, I ran (not literally) to target and purchased a 2-pack of the Nuk pacifiers. I got the 2-pack because I didn’t want to even take the chance of losing one and being without. It was THAT serious. I did exclusively breastfeed at the time, but I didn’t even care about nipple confusion. Bee needed a binky. And no surprise to me, she hated it. She would spit it out and still cry with it in her mouth. But after much persistence from her overly aggressive mother, she eventually began to take it and my boobs started to get a much needed break.
Can we all say Hallelujah for the binky!
To this day, her binky has been my best friend. In my Drake voice, its “my right hand, my go-to” and I am not ashamed to admit it. And it is with much dismay that I have to get rid of it now. However, Bee’s safety is more important than my peace of mind, and we will find other ways to make it through.
You guys ready for this horror story?
So Bee is almost 6 months and does not sleep through the night. And yes I cosleep. So our nightly routine typically goes something along these lines. She goes to sleep around 8/8:30. Between 2 and 3am she wakes up to eat. Typically if she wakes up again after that, but before 7am, I will just give her the binky and she falls back to sleep. But last night, it went down a bit different.
Bee woke up to eat, and dozed back off. She then woke up about an hour later and was fussy so I tried the binky. Instead of taking it and going back to sleep, she wanted to play with it. She would start to doze and then she would wake herself back up and start chewing on it. She’s teething pretty bad. Realizing that she is not going to sleep anytime soon, I get up to relieve myself and when I come back I hear her fussing.
What do I see upon my return?
Bee had the ENTIRE binky in her mouth. I kid you not. It looked like she had a mouthguard in. So of course I panic and snatch it out of her mouth. Which in turn, makes her break into a full out scream because I startled her. And of course I feel bad, but I reacted in the moment. As soon as I snatched that binky from her a million thoughts ran through my mind. “Has this happened when she’s been in her crib?” “Am I a horrible mom?” “What if I hadn’t come back at that moment?” My nerves were frazzled and I definitely did not sleep the rest of the night. I watched her like a hawk. WITHOUT the binky.
This experience told me one of two things: 1.) Bee no longer needs her binky since she is now using it as a teether as opposed to a soothing device and 2.) You can never be too careful as a mother.
I share this #MOMFAIL with you guys just as a precaution. I’m sure I’ll receive some criticism and have someone tell me I should have been watching Bee better but I don’t care. If it helps other moms be more vigilant with their children while they have their binky, I’ll take it. Besides, the way I felt about myself in that moment is worse than anything anyone could say.
STAY WOKE MAMAS! LITERALLY 😂